SEX TAPE

 If the movie Sex Tape had been made in the 1980s, the stars would be scrambling to retrieve a raunchy vhs tape they accidentally sent to the wrong place and people.  Since it's 2014, this movie has the stars racing to destroy iPads and dealing with the Cloud and YouPorn, but still getting into lots of wacky hijinks.  Well, maybe not that wacky...

Annie (Cameron Diaz) and Jay (Jason Segel) are a happily married couple who wonder what happened to their sex life.  In flashbacks, we see that they couldn't keep their hands (or other body parts) off each other.  But following pregnancy, marriage, and then a second child, they can't even manage to schedule intimacy.  Things are otherwise good -- one child is graduating from 5th grade soon, Annie is on the verge of selling her Mommy blog to a family-friendly company, and Jay is a radio or music producer who is so successful he gives away his old iPads t friends -- but they wonder what happened to their wild younger selves.  One night when the kids are at Annie's mother's overnight, Annie has an idea (along with lots of tequila): They'll film themselves performing every position featured in The Joy of Sex!

 The next morning, Annie asks Jay to delete their sex "tape."  Jay keeps forgetting -- and when he uses a syncing app to send out his playlists, he accidentally sends their sex video to everyone with his old iPads.  Annie is worried that Hank (Rob Lowe), the wholesome president of the company, might not buy her blog if he sees the video.  Jay wonders who sent the mysterious tweet about their video.  And married friends Robby (Rob Corddry) and Tess (Elle Kemper) wing up tagging along on the quest to get back and destroy the iPads with the video.  Unless it wound up on YouPorn...

Apart from a lot of cursing, Sex Tape isn't nearly as wild or insane as it should have been to be a really funny comedy.  Instead of running all over to get the offending iPads back, almost all the action happens in Hank's mansion.  It's funny to see that the straight-laced Hank has a private wild side, but it's a single joke that gets old pretty fast.  Jason Segel feels like he's mugging for the camera more than acting, Cameron Diaz isn't that funny (except when hyper from cocaine), and Rob Corddry is pretty much wasted.  The movie isn't daring enough when it comes to porn or adult entertainment (even with a cameo by Jack Black as the owner of YouPorn), it doesn't make a lot of sense plotwise (from bringing the kids on their search to a premature balcony dive), and it's not that funny.

Overall grade: C-
Reviewed by James Lynch

THE COUNSELOR

"Be careful about getting in over your head" is a simple message that's common in life, in movies, and certainly in The Counselor.  This drama has a terrific cast in a very formulaic story.

The Counselor (Michael Fassbender) seems to have it all: rich friends, extravagant lifestyle, and a beautiful girlfriend named Laura (Penelope Cruz), for whom he buys a very expensive diamond engagement ring.  But he's also getting involved with his friends -- the carefree Reiner (Javier Bardem) and the far more cautious Westray (Brad Pitt) -- with a huge deal involving a Mexican drug cartel and a cocaine shipment worth millions.  Despite Reiner and Westray trying to scare the Counselor with tales of how ruthless the cartel is, the Counselor is all in.  And Malkina (Cameron Diaz), Reiner's girlfriend from Barbados, is a sexual, amoral, greedy being who Reiner rightly fears is smarter than him.

Of course, the drug deal quickly goes south, as the shipment (hidden in an old sewage truck) keeps switching hands.  The Counselor panicks, as his confidence and friends quickly abandon him.  And those horror stories about the cartel weren't exaggerated...

The Counselor is a fairly ordinary movie.  With a screenplay from Cormac McCarthy (whose No Country for Old Men was far superior), we wind up with a protagonist who spends the whole movie running around not knowing what to do.  There are plenty of contrasts -- the innocent Laura and the scheming Malkina, the seemingly expensive world of the main characters and the dirty poverty of those handling the truck with its dangerous, expensive cargo -- but in the end it's watching someone dabbling in a dangerous world he's unprepared to handle.  The cast is very good, yet their roles are pretty one-dimensional.  And the movie's frequent departures into theories and philosophy (including a discussion with a cartel leader that's all about creating worlds) often feels quite artificial.  The Counselor has some interesting elements, such as the contrasts and often telling instead of showing what could happen, but it's still pretty routine.

Overall grade: C
Reviewed by James Lynch

BAD TEACHER

An anti-hero in a movie can be provocative and entertaining, but if the alternatives to that character are equally lamentable the movie can get old very quickly. This is the lamentable world of Bad Teacher, a comedy where just about every character is awful.

At the start of the movie, Elizabeth Halsey (Cameron Diaz) is about to retire from teaching, when her rich fiancee/meal ticket dumps her. Jump ahead a few months, and she's back to being the worst junior high teacher ever: showing movies and sleeping off hangovers during class, skipping mandatory staff meetings, and being rude and dismissive to her fellow teachers. (A friendship with shy, dumpy teacher Lynn Davies (Phyllis Smith) is never explained; I suspect it's there so Elizabeth has someone to talk to.)

Elizabeth sees a way out when the school gets a new sub: Scott Delacorte (Justin Timberlake) is an idealistic, overly sweet, g-rated teacher who just happens to have come from a wealthy family. Elizabeth pegs him as her future meal ticket -- and her goal is to save up enough for breast implants (to look like his ex) while convincing him that she's as devoted to students as he is. Meanwhile goody-two-shoes teacher Amy Squirrel (Lucy Punch) is also pursuing Scott; and Elizabeth's behavior is even scarier when she wants her students to ace a standardized test -- so she can get the bonus money to use for her boob job. And gym teacher Russell Gettis (Jason Segel) keeps trading quips with and making passes at Elizabeth, despite her dismissing him as just a gym teacher.

Bad Teacher makes two critical mistakes. The first is mistaking bad behavior for inherently funny. Short of killing or sleeping with a student, Elizabeth does virtually every possible thing wrong -- drinking in class, smoking marijuana in her car in the school parking lot, cursing at kids, pelting underachievers with dodgeballs, stealing, lying, cheating, showing up at a student car wash and writhing around like she was in a heavy metal music video -- yet there are few jokes or humorous situations surrounding the bad behavior. Cameron Diaz can do comedy well -- remember There's Something About Mary, anyone? -- but here all she has is bad character traits piled on more bad traits.

The second critical mistake is that the alternative to Elizabeth's character seems just as bad. Just about every other character is so perky and clean-cut and enthusiastic that you just want to punch them. It's a contrast to Elizabeth's horrible behavior, but it's equally unlikeable to the audience. Only Jason Segel shows that a person doesn't have to be horrible in either direction; but he's in the film so briefly, his character makes almost no impact.

Bad Teacher manages to give us one of cinema's worst teachers, but it doesn't give the laughs that should come with such a character.

Overall grade: D

Reviewed by James Lynch

The Holiday (2006)

The Holiday is a newly released DVD that fits in the romantic comedy genre. It stars Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslett, Jude Law and Jack Black who all perform well in this film (As an aside, it’s always a little strange seeing Jack Black in a more serious role… I always see him as the washed up teacher in School of Rock, but that's another story.).

Both leading ladies are involved in completely dysfunctional relationships with their current men. They both simultaneously decide that they need a serious break- we're talking about a "holiday" (gotta love those Brits!) on another continent. So the two meet online, and decide to exchange homes for two weeks (I have heard of folks actually doing this so this is not as far fetched as this would seem). While each is busy trying to escape their current life, they end up finding what they were looking for all along.

While The Holiday is a lengthy 2:15 film, particularly for a romantic comedy genre film, it really is needed, as the parallel journeys of the two women are told. If you're looking for a clever date movie to watch with your significant other, than this film should be near the top of the list. I thoroughly enjoyed this well acted film which had several memorable and touching scenes.

Overall Grade: A-