TED

Seth MacFarlane conquered the television world with Family Guy, a fairly common animated family sitcom whose politically incorrect humor and constant pop culture references made it a massive hit (and gave MacFarlane several other shows). With his new movie Ted, MacFarlane writes, directs, and voices his own story of a childhood fairy tale gone in a very grown-up direction.

The movie begins in 1985, when lonely Boston boy John Bennett wishes that the teddy bear he got for Christmas was alive. The wish comes true -- Ted lives! Over the years, Ted becomes a celebrity for a time, before being forgotten. And in the present, John (Mark Wahlberg) and Ted (voiced by Seth MacFarlane; at least the movie has the self-awareness to point out how much Ted sounds like Peter Griffin) are still "thunder buddies," best friends who like to drink, get high, swear (a lot), and throw parties.

But John also has a girlfriend. Lori (Mila Kunis) and John have been dating for four years, and she thinks Ted has been keeping John from growing up and moving on with his career (at a rental car place) and his life. So Ted moves out, getting a job as a cashier (and oddly doing better the more he insults his boss) and dating the white-trash Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth). But John and Ted keep hanging out, to Lori's exasperation. Then there's Rex (Joe McHale), Lori's boss who keeps hitting on her; and the creepy Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) with his fat son Robert (Aedin Minks), who want to buy Ted away from John.

Ted really, really feels like a slightly more cohesive version of Family Guy. While the movie doesn't have any random flashbacks, it does have wildly inappropriate humor (covering everything from obesity to Lou Gehrig's disease to 9/11), plenty of cursing, a musical number of sorts, and potshots at whatever celebrities MacFarlane feels like mocking. (A few of these celebrities show up in the movie, poking fun at themselves.) The cast (quite a few of whom are regulars on MacFarlane's carious shows) is good (though Kunis, as the most responsible person in the movie, gets the most respect and least laughs), and there are quite a few laughs to be found here. Overall, though, Ted feels far too much like a MacFarlane show (something not helped by the large number of actors from his shows) to feel original, and the initial setup of a children's story (narrated by Patrick Stewart) is abandoned to see a teddy bear cursing, using a bong, and humping everyone he can. Ted is often funny, but it's more of a long, uncensored sitcom episode than a really funny movie.

Overall grade: B-

Reviewed by James Lynch

The Perfect Storm (2000)

While I rarely rewatch films, quite seldomly there are a few that I really enjoy. I decided to rescreen The Perfect Storm, and see how it has held up through the years. It stars George Clooney, Diane Lane, and Mark Wahlberg.

The story, which is based on actual events, centers around a New England town, Gloucester, MA, which is a fishing town. Clooney plays Capt. Billy Tyne, who runs the Andrea Gale, a swordfishing boat, for the ship's owner. After he returns from a bad outing, he rounds up the crew for one more outing before closing out the season as a chance to bring in the big catch. In order to fill the hold, he heads out to the Flemish Cap, where he has a great catch. Unfortunately, just as he is filling up the hold, his ice machine conks out. Rather than let the fish rot, they make an ill fated decision to try for home through the perfect storm- where two fronts and a hurricane are converging.

I enjoyed The Perfect Storm immensely the first time, and just as much the second. The special effects are well done as we see the waves battering the fisherman and their boat. The acting is well done, and I think Clooney will be well remembered for this role. Also, Mark Wahlberg and Diane Lane gave strong performances. Finally, the soundtrack is great, as it was done by composer James Horner, better known for the music of Titanic, among a long and distinguished career.

If you missed The Perfect Storm the first time around, definitely catch it on DVD. It's already a classic, and a great thriller of the sea.


Overall Grade: A

Shooter (2007)

If the idea of a sniper disturbs you, then Shooter will certainly send shivers up, and down, your spine. This film stars Mark Wahlberg and Danny Glover as we enter a world of sniper and countersniper.

Wahlberg plays Bob Lee Swagger, a retired Marine Gunnery Sergeant whose expertise was in being a sniper- some say he is the best around. In the opening sequence, he and his partner take on a whole company of enemy soldiers, and force them to retreat in a scene that would be at home in any Rambo film. Disillusioned at how his country treats him afterwords, he retires to the beautiful Wyoming wilderness. In a scene reminiscent of FireFox, Colonel Isaac Johnson, played by Danny Glover and his crew of operatives show up to recruit Wahlberg back into duty. There is credible evidence of an assassination plot against the President, and they think it will be a sniper shot from way far off. After whistling some patriotic tunes, Glover gets Wahlberg to come back to civilization to protect the leader of the free world. Unfortunately for Wahlberg, he is being set up big time, and soon it is him against the entire FBI.

Warning: Science Content!

At one point in the film, Wahlberg takes a bullet in the right upper chest. While it is lower than the one in Babel, and thus the subclavian vessels would not have been traumatized. Still, even a small caliber bullet from a handgun into the chest would have been likely to cause a pneumothorax, which untreated is universally lethal. How does Wahlberg treat this on the run? First, he uses the military’s new super hemostatic powder to arrest the bleeding. Ok, that would probably work, although no one really bleeds to death from skin edges, or the muscles of the chect wall. Next, he decides to give himself some IV fluids via water, mixed with salt, piped through some tubing from under the car’s hood, and into the vein via a marinade injecting needle. This totally wouldn’t work- none of this is sterile, the sodium content of the fluid would be so wrong, it wouldn’t be leakproof, air could enter the tubing causing an embolism, and the needle looked too large for the vein, especially for inserting it yourself, and likely too blunt. As if this couldn’t get any worse, then he uses the gas from a can of Redi-Whip topping to provide anesthesia for his wound debridement. Again, nitrous oxide, even at 100% (which is impossible to administer because you’d asphyxiate from hypoxia), is simply not capable of providing general anesthesia. Finally, he uses sugar as a disinfectant for the wound, and while this sounds ridiculous, there are still a few in modern medicine that seriously use this technique. Overall, the medical details of the plot are in need of a serious dose of accuracy. For example, if they had made the leg wound more serious, and left out the chest and the IV, this all would make considerably more sense.

Leaving aside the medical details, Shooter is a great thriller. The plot moves along well, and there are enough twists and turns to keep your attention. It also makes a few references to the Kennedy assassination, and seeing how the facts and evidence gets distorted in this film makes one wonder what really went on that day when JFK was killed. Shooter is an action packed film for those that want a good modern day conspiracy thriller.

Overall Grade: B+ (It would have been higher if the medical details were more plausible).

Invincible (2006)

No, there's never been any shortage of "stand up and cheer" football movies. Invincible, starring Mark Wahlberg, attempts a fresh take on this well repeated classic formula. This time it incorporates the real life saga of Vincent Papale, and takes us to the archives of 1975 football when a new NFL coach decides to hold open field tryouts! Papale is a very "down on his luck" bartender who tries out for the team. Faster than we can say "Hike," Papale is at the Philadelphia Eagle's training camp! As he barely keeps his "head above water," the rest of the team does not share this newcomer's enthusiasm, and would be more than pleased to send him packing back from whence he came. Along the way, his buddies from the ol' neighborhood bar in South Philly provide some much needed encouragement. The setting is well created with an entire fleet of mid-70's autos, and also used many relevant songs of the era, including such artists as Jim Croce, and Bachman Turner Overdrive. While Invincible is predictable with a lower case "p," it is still quite enjoyable. I recommend it even to those who are not die hard football aficionados as it is a story worth watching.

Overall Grade: B+

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Four Brothers

Four Brothers focuses on this hodge podge family of four grown up kinds that their mother adopted off the streets of Detroit. What initially appears as a senseless murder, takes us into a complicated web of underworld relationships. At times, the plot seems thinly glued together by a series of progressively violent scenes. For aficionados of gangster movies, they'll find a lot to like here, but for the rest of us, the parts do not add up to anything greater.

Overall Grade: C+