DEEP IN THE VALLEY dvd

Wouldn't life be great if it were like a porno? Wouldn't life be funny if it were like a porno? The answer to the first question: absolutely! The answer to the second question: apparently not, going by the straight-to-dvd movie Deep in the Valley.

The setup for Deep in the Valley is pretty basic. Lester (Chris Pratt, the budget version of Seth Rogen) works as a clerk in a liquor store and apparently watches a lot of skin flicks. His buddy Carl (Brendan Hines) is far more responsible -- and engaged to shrew Tracy (Charlotte Salt), who wants Carl to skip a better job so he can keep working for her daddy. When Lester and Carl are hanging out, they get a strange delivery: a peepshow-type booth featuring the movies of adult film legend Diamond Jim (Christopher McDonald). The two guys step inside -- and are magically transported into an alternate universe where everything follows the rules of an adult movie!

Lester wants to stay and get some action, while Carl just wants to find a way home. Diamond Jim turns up to offer some cryptic (and useless) advice. The two friends are relentlessly pursued by Detective Rod Cannon (Scott Caan) and police dominatrix Suzi Diablo (Blanca Soto). The buddies also find help in the Tri-Pi sorority house from Bambi (Rachel Specter), who seems interested in Carl, and Daphne (Kate Albrecht), who never seems to stop giggling. This movie also has Denise Richards as the sorority house mother, Kim Kardashian as a bouncer (did that feel as weird to read as it did for me to write?), and Tracy Morgan as porn star Busta Nut.

While there have been plenty of advances in scripting in the world of adult entertainment, there's plenty of silliness left to spoof. Unfortunately, Deep in the Valley seems so happy with the amount of topless women it squeezed into one movie (a lot, including movie commentary from a topless woman) that they didn't bother with, well, jokes or humor. Running gags include Lester not being able to get laid in a porno, Lester getting hit in the crotch over and over by Suzi, and Rod Cannon spewing forth an unending stream of barely-coherent cop sayings and cliches. None of these are particularly funny, yet they are repeated over and over in the movie.

Deep in the Valley has plenty of the cliches of porn -- cheerleader tryouts, the pizza delivery man who needs an alternate means of getting paid, the hospital full of sexy nurses -- but doesn't offer more than the stars' reaction shots to them. And since neither Pratt nor Hines are funny (neither is the rest of the cast; not a surprise, except for the criminal waste of Tracy Morgan's talent), all Deep in the Valley gives are painfully unfunny scenes. If your idea of a good comedy is centered around lots of bare breasts, they you might find some enjoyment in Deep in the Valley. As for me, I can see why this clunker went straight to dvd.

Overall grade: F

Reviewed by James Lynch