KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE: MEN THAT HACK

 While the characters in the comic Knights of the Dinner Table usually role play in the sword and sorcery world (HackMaster), they sometimes branch out into new genres.  Knights of the Dinner Table: Men That Hack has the characters branching out into the James Bond-esque world of espionage, with two full-length, disaster-filled adventures.

The first story begins with Pete persuading the burned-out B.A. to pick up Hacknoia: The Role-Playing Game of Conspiracy, the Unknown, and Espionage.  B.A. is convinced his adventure will be "the best adventure I've ever run."  He has Bob, Dave, Sara, and Brian playing NSB agents sent, unarmed, to investigate mysterious crop circles in Canada (which Dave never stops believing is a Communist country).

Unfortunately, Bob and Dave trying to find out what's in the secret envelopes they pass to B.A. leads to to a "it never happened" reset.  Then the players arm themselves at Ahkmed's Guns, Booze, Chew, and Ammo (plus Bob stealing a stapler from R&D), get in a massive gun battle at customs, run into the descendant of an enemy from HackMaster, and turn on each other.

The next story happens two years later, as B.A. returns to Hacknoia.  ("But you hate that game!"  "I never said that."  "Dude, you drop kicked your books off the Jackson Blvd. bridge.")  This time around the players are trying to find a nuclear bomb being delivered to Canada.  This time the players are bristling about the fact that there are two NPCs with them -- and one is assigned the lead in the mission.  Chaos (and another trip to Ahkmed's) ensues.

I've had the first story in Men That Hack as part of my KODT live readings for years, and the additional material by Jolly Blackburn suits the strips quite well.  The second story, put together from webstrips and new material, is also quite funny, from Bob and Dave paying to roll up decent characters (and suffering from the dreaded Appendix Q table) to the overarmed and under-intelligent players messing everything up.  There are plenty of laugh-out-loud moments through both stories, and Men That Hack shows that the Knights can be as amusingly incompetent in the spy world as in the medieval fantasy world.

Overall grade: A
Reviewed by James Lynch

KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE: THE CATTLEPUNK CHRONICLES -- THE FOUR HERDSMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

In the comic book world of the Knights of the Dinner Table, the "evil" (definitely hostile) version of the Knights are the Black Hands: Weird Pete, Nitro, Newt, Stevil, and (the inexplicably nice) Gordo.  While the Black Hands usually play the sword-and-sorcery Hackmaster, they have delved into other gaming genres as well.  After seeing the Knights take on the Western genre in The Cattlepunk Chronicles -- Outlaw Trail, the Black Hands' KODT Cattlepunk strips are collected (with over 60 pages of new paterial) in The Cattlepunk Chronicles -- The Four Herdsmen of the Apocalypse.

This collection is divided into two parts.  In the first part ("The Early Years"), Nitro is burned out as the GM, so Pete takes over as the GM, running Cattlepunk and "borrowing" several ideas from B.A.'s old campaign.  It turns out that the other players had forgotten what a hard-ass Pete was, and when Nitro takes over as GM the other players spend the whole time at each other's throats.

The second part ("The Herd of Doom") has Nitro picking up the reins of Cattlepunk again, as a favor to a friend.  After several false starts (when the Black Hands kill each other off before getting through the flavor text), Nitro gives his players the task of delivering a massive herd of cattle.  This leads to more in-fighting, a humiliating encounter with a Western legend, and the discovery of what could be the most devastating weapon in the Old West.

The Four Hersdmen of the Apocalypse is delightfully dysfunctional.  Much as I love seeing the Knights in action, the Black Hands are pretty fun when they're sniping at and plotting against one another.  There's lots of fun as the players struggle in the world of the Old West, and the self-contained issue has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments from this world of role playing. ("On the upside -- we got to use the brain spatter tables.")  The Four Hersdmen of the Apocalypse is another funny and worthy KODT collection.

Overall grade: A-
Reviewed by James Lynch

KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE: THE CATTLEPUNK CHRONICLES -- OUTLAW TRAIL

Saddle up, pardners!  While the characters in Knights of the Dinner Table usually play in the sword & sorcery world of Hackmaster, they've occasionally delved into the Wild West.  The Cattlepunk Chronicles -- Outlaw Trail collects many of those adventures, along with dozens of pages of new material.

The Cattlepunk Chronicles starts with B.A. being talked into buying the new Hard Eight game Cattlepunk by Weird Pete.  B.A. sees it as a chance for the players to be less reliant on magic and more creative.  But for players Bob, Dave, Johnny Kizinski and Brian, it turns into massive numbers of characters being rolled up, in-game player kills and grudges, and an almost instinctive impulsive to rob any bank the characters see.  B.A. abandons the game after the players' antics; but when his cousin Sara later joins the group (replacing Johnny), she talks B.A. into returning to Cattlepunk.  But Sara and B.A.'s desire to play lawful characters is continually overrun by the other players' outlaw characters...

The Cattlepunk Chronicles is a nice collection showing what happens when horrible fantasy players become, well, horrible Western players.  We have not only the Knights engaging in some of their worst behavior, but also B.A. being talked into buying more and more product and Sara trying and failing to get the Knights to role-play.  There are players slaughtering each other (and rolling up new characters whose sole purpose is revenge), the introduction of recurring "villain" Red Gurdy Pickens, and campaigns and towns getting destroyed.

Fortunately, all of this bad behavior and trainwrecks of campaigns is pretty damn funny.  The Knights' antics are just as funny with six-shooters as with magic swords, and having these strips together instead of scattered through the KODT run gives a better sense of unity.  There are plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, from the characters loading up on quirks and flaws to get building points ("Inappropriate sense of humor, male pattern baldness, speech impediment, lemur-phobia") to the continual grudges and betrayals.  And even when B.A. gets what he thought he wanted, it still blows up in his face.  The Cattlepunk Chronicles -- Outlaw Trail is terrific fun for fans of KODT, bad gaming, or Westerns gone wrong.

Overall grade: A-
Reviewed by James Lynch

KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE: 20 YEARS OF COVERS

It's said that the cover of a comic book is very important, as it catches a potential reader's eye and may entice them into buying the book.  Knights of the Dinner Table celebrated its first two decades of publication with Knights of the Dinner Table: 20 Years of Covers, a coffee table book that features all the covers of the comic -- plus additional material.

Knights of the Dinner Table follows the misadventures of the Knights of the Dinner Table -- B.A., Bob, Dave, Sarah, and Brian -- a role-playing group in Muncie, Indiana who mainly play Hackmaster, a thinly-veiled version of Dungeons & Dragons.  Over the years the comic has expanded its scope, introducing other gaming groups (most often the Black Hands), the employees of Hard Eight Enterprises (who produce Hackmaster), the annual GaryCon conventions, and more.  Throughout the years and changes, the focus of the comic has always been gaming -- and that focus is reflected in the book's covers.

The early covers focused mainly on the Knights, either showing all of them together or the four players with gamemaster B.A. appearing in the background somehow.  Over time the other characters and groups made their way to the covers: the Black Hands would be tormenting the Knights, individual characters would get the focus, the annual GaryCon shows would pop up, there was a tribute to Gary Gygax, etc.  Knowing that many of the readers were gamers and/or geeks, the characters would appear in parodies of movies, TV series, other comic books, and even original D&D sourcebooks.  And there were many guest artists, providing different (and, frankly, sometimes better) artwork than inside the comic book.

In addition to the covers, KODT: 20 Years of Covers also has an introduction by the series' creator Jolly Bkackburn.  There are also summaries of all the stories in every issue, plus the occasional panel or artwork from the issues, which elevates this collection from just artwork to a pretty good guide to the stories appearing in every single issue featured in this collection.

Unfortunately, the production of KODT: 20 Years of Covers was part of the disastrous KODT Live Action Series Kickstarter campaign.  The online store Noble Knight Games generously provided copies of the book to those Kickstarter backers who never got their book; unfortunately, they sent out all the copies they had (and I got the last one!).  Fortunately, Kenzer & Company has made KODT: 20 Years of Covers available as a downloadable PDF ; and the hope remains that more physical copies of the book will eventually be produced.

I've been a fan of Knights of the Dinner Table since 1998, and Knights of the Dinner Table: 20 Years of Covers is a terrific collection of the series' amusing and pretty original covers (which almost never have anything to do with the issue's stories).  This book may not be for everyone, but it's terrific for fans of the series, gamers, and geeks in general.

Overall grade: A-
Reviewed by James Lynch

KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE: THE JAVA JOINT

The comic book Knights of the Dinner Table is primarily a bunch of buddies sitting at a table and playing games -- but what happens when several of them sit around a table and talk about books? This is the premise and setting of Knights of the Dinner Table: The Java Joint. This collect all the Java Joint strips from the gaming magazine Black Gate, with an extra one thrown in.

The Java Joint is set at, well, the Java Joint, a coffee shop in Indiana where every week "The Java Joint Fantasy-Sci Fi Book Club is in session." It's members are: Sara, who tends to act as both intellectual and goody two-shoes; Eddie, who skims more than he reads, is perpetually poor, and often misses the point being made; and Patty, who usually sides with Sara but has a mischievous side to her as well. (Early strips have Stevil in the background, commenting to himself about what he overhears.) Most strips have the trio sitting around and discussing (or trying to discuss) a fantasy book; there are a few exceptions, as when Eddie enters into extended dealings with a Nigerian internet scam, or when he confronts Neil Gaiman about stealing all the ideas Eddie wrote in a notebook in seventh grade that got lost at "Sister Eileen's Discount Summer Camp for Laconic Youth."

As with the Knights of the Dinner Table comic, this is about the dialogue, as the art is very static (mostly the same characters in the same positions, with only the eyes or mouth changing). Fortunately, this is often very funny. Most of the humor comes from Eddie who, like Cartman on South Park, is a character you seldom agree with but usually laugh at. He has a resistance to anything out of the ordinary ("So what you're saying is... reading books I don't like will get men women?"), loves a Danielle Steel novel after imagining the main character as a vampire, and bemoans the supernatural in romance novels. ("Publishing today is all about getting hot and heavy with the unholy.") Sara and Patty work mainly as the voice of reason, continually frustrated trying to discuss great books with a guy who's more excited about watching sci-fi shows.

The Java Joint does have a fairly static setting, and seeing Sara and Patty dealing with Eddie's bizarre logic and thoughts can get repetitive. But The Java Joint also has plenty of laughs -- and a surprisingly touching final story. This is an enjoyable little comic book collection that's a nice read for anyone who likes discussing books -- even with that one person who always manages to go off in a bizarre direction.

Overall grade: B
Reviewed by James Lynch

KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE: THE BAG WARS SAGA

Who knew storage could lead to an all-out war? The Knights of the Dinner Table collection The Bag Wars Saga collects the varied strips revolving around a Bag of Holding (for those non-Dungeons & Dragons players, a Bag of Holding is a magical device capable of holding massive amounts without getting full or heavy), adding new material and modifying the original work to make a cohesive story.

In this story, collected from several periods in the KODT issues, the Knights (rules-lawyer Brian playing mage Black Lotus; whiny Bob playing thief Knuckles VI; jock Dave playing warrior El Ravager -- with his Hackmaster +12 sword; Sara playing diplomatic cleric Justina) have gone from solo adventurers to military leaders, amassing an army to kill the dragon Rhautghut ("Rot Gut"). When the dragon is slain, gamemaster B.A. explains that Rot Gut kept all his treasure in a Bag of Hefty Capacity, small and easily moved. Brian, cheap as always, decides to dodge paying their army by getting the army, led by Sergeant Barringer, to enter the bag, then simply not letting them out. Brian then figures the best way to avoid getting penalties for their one million gold pieces in dragon loot is to spend it all, buying everything they could ever want, and storing it in the Bag. (The Bag Wars Saga contains several long lists of items.)

When the Knights eventually need something from the Bag, they make a discovery: Sergeant Barringer and his men are still alive, and they used the Knights' goods to create a fortress and large weaponry. (Several characters who look in the bag get nailed in the face by a catapult.) What follows is a long saga where the Knights engage in all-out wars (Sara: "There was a third war??!! How'd I miss that one?") to try and get their goods back. Along the way are a mysterious HackMaster item called the Jackson Document, some of the worst miniatures ever ("He's got two left hands and no face"), the proper way to treat NPCs, and how to dispose of troll parts.

The Bag Wars Saga is, pardon the phrase, a mixed bag. Since the Knights are, by definition, a party of four adventurers, it's strange to see them spending so much time with an army under their belt, planning complex military maneuvers instead of dungeon-crawling. All the typical KODT humor is still here, though, from Brian's constant rules-lawyering to in-group squabbles and planning (at Tic Tac Taco) to coming up with every loophole possible to get their own way. "Lotus' Journal" gives Brian's character's view of the epic struggle ("We will go in and take back what is OURS -- by FORCE!! Every last man in Barringer's Bag will be put to the sword abd made to pay dearly... Addendum: Add merchant who sold us fake map to list of asses to kick") and there's both a preview "Cries from the Attic" explaining what changes and additions were made, and a "Bag Wurld Cast of Characters" giving the history of the important figures here. The Bag Wars aren't my favorite KODT storyline, but The Bag Wars Saga is still a pretty funny read.

Overall grade: B+
Reviewed by James Lynch

KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE

Hoody hoo! The gaming comic book Knights of the Dinner Table started as a small strip in 1990, and it's still going strong almost 20 years later. If you've ever played Dungeons and Dragons, or know people who have, you'll love the misadventures of some of the world's worst gamers.

The prime focus of KODT is a Muncie, Indiana-based group of roleplayers called, well, the Knights of the Dinner Table. Going from left to right in the picture above, the Knights are: B.A. Felton, the frazzled gamemaster who always wants to create an epic adventure and whose campaigns are invariably wrecked by the others; Bob Herzog, the whiny, scrawny smartass with a quick temper; Dave Bozwell, the jock who's ready to slay anything he considers a threat (or experience points); Sara Felton, B.A.'s cousin and the only player interested in acting heroically or altruistically; and Brian van Hoose, the epitome of the rules lawyer who can cite passage and paragraph ver batim -- as long as it backs what he wants.

The Knights' game of choice is HackMaster, a thinly-veiled version of D&D that has tons of errors and rewards selfishness, greed, and wanton killing. This fits nicely with the playing style of Bob, Dave and Brian (who dubbed themselves "the Untouchable Trio," since when their characters got killed their new ones were exact copies of the last ones), who have been known to destroy whole towns and slaughter characters that did them no harm (and who B.A. wanted to use to start the adventure).

There's a lot to KODT besides just the Knights, though. Several other gaming groups are often covered, most notably the Black Hands, a group more explicitly malevolent than the Knights. There's fat old-timer Weird Pete, who runs the local Games Pit gaming store. (In one of many nice touches, the current store has a sign in the window warning "Parents! I'm not yer kids' babysitter!" while in flashbacks a sign proclaims "Parents, I will gladly watch your children while you shop.") There's Hard Eight Enterprises, which publishes HackMaster (and SpaceHack, and Hacknoia, and many other games), and the company's legendary owner/HackMaster creator Gary Jackson -- who was killed off. A current story has his widow/Hard Eight president Heidi Jackson revamping HackMaster to be more accessible to new players, while the staff try to stick with the minutia of the old rules. (D&D 4e vs. older versions, anyone?) And there's even a hyper-intelligent chimp called Squirrely that works for Weird Pete.

The art of KODT is simplistic -- most faces and bodies are copied from other pics, with an occasional raised arm, costume, or character who got bruised or in a cast providing variety -- which may turn off some readers while adding to the charm for others. The storylines vary from short (plenty of self-contained stories in many issues) campaigns that can go well over a year (such as the Knights' current crawl through the Temple of Horrendous Doom). It's usually a good idea to find the start of a longer story arc before delving in the middle, and all the issues are collected in each Bundle of Trouble volume.

Oh yes -- KODT is funny. Damn funny. Often laugh-out-loud funny. The Untouchable Trio hear there's a gazebo and, not knowing what it is, engage in an "epic" battle with the creature! The strip I used at the top has the Knights finding a legendary cursed hand, which leads to Dave and Brian trying to cut off their own hand to use it, Sara trying to destroy it, Bob wanting to sell it, and B.A. reminding those hacking at themselves of the hit points they're still losing. A movie discussion had them saying that the Lord of the Rings movies were good, but no Hawk the Slayer. ("Hawk rules!") A Dalek appears in Weird Pete's game store. An argument over avoiding starvation by eating Dave's "magic" cow or Bob's "dwarven warhorse" (a mule) has them deciding to each the torch bearer instead. A mission to investigate crop circles in Canada results in a massive gunfight as the Knights' characters try to smuggle a massive arsenal through Customs -- and Dave insists Canada is a Communist country! And the Knights often play different games, taking on such varied ones as Risk, Once Upon a Time, The Settlers of Catan ("I have wood for sheep") and The Great Space Race.

KODT also resists being a static strip. While the Untouchable Trio spent years playing the same characters -- Bob was the dwarven thief Knuckles ("I waste him with my crossbow!"), Dave was the fighter El Ravager (with a +12 sword), Brian was the mage Teflon Billy ("fireballs coming online") -- recent changes have forced them to play new character types. Weird Pete faces still competition from the new game store in town -- that's run professionally. And right now the future of HackMaster is in danger (possibly of becoming better) as the old school faces the perils of progress.

Each issue of KODT has other features, from editorials and letters (including mine, printed so often they now bear the heading "The Lynch Report") to gaming news, characters and articles on HackMaster (yes, Kenzer & Company www.kenzerco.com , the folks behind KODT, actually released a HackMaster rpg), and even cartoons. For me, the draw is the strips first and foremost. So I highly recommend everyone out there pick up Knights of the Dinner Table, enjoy the monthly exploits of these gleefully woeful gamers, and join them in their cry of triumph:

HOODY HOO!

Overall grade: A

Reviewed by James Lynch