Walk All Over Me (2007)

The straight-to-dvd movie Walk All Over Me aims to be a blend of comedy, suspense, and kinkiness, but it misses the mark on all three levels. Instead, the movie gives us one-dimensional characters, few laughs, fewer suspenseful moments, and way overdone cinematic techniques.

Alberta (Leelee Sobieski) is a perpetual screw-up. She literally flees from a job at a small gas station in the middle of nowhere when she misplaces the money her boyfriend was to give to a dangerous man. She travels to Vancouver to stay with her big sister Celene (Tricia Helfer, best known as the seductive Cylon on the new Battlestar Galactica). Celine is confident, has a specific life plan, lives in a great house... and happens to be a professional dominatrix. Celine isn't thrilled to have Alberta there, but offers to put her up.

Alberta gets a job at a big retail store, but soon she starts screwing up and needs more money. She goes through Celine's tapes of prospective clients, pretends to be Celine, and meets Paul (Jacob Tierney) to earn some money. After a slightly comical meeting at a mall, they head back to Paul's house -- where he's ambushed. Paul's partner-in-crime Rene (Lothaire Bluteau) is convinced that Paul stole half a million dollars from him, and he brought dangerous thug Isaac (Michael Adamthwaite) and Isaac's codependent brother Aaron (Michael Eklund) to convince Paul to give back the money. Alberta flees (again), but she manages to leave enough info for the bad guys to follow her back to Celine's house.

This movie would have been better if the characters had any depth, but that is sorely lacking. Alberta spends the movie nervous, apologizing, and promising to make up for her latest mistake. Celine is always in control and ruthless -- not that different than Helfer's role on Battlestar Galactica. And the criminals are fairly routine: the mastermind boss, the unstable dangerous one, and the flunky who'll go along with anything.

The story doesn't go anywhere worth following either. Perhaps the idea of a nervous and uncertain woman pretending to be a dominatrix is amusing in theory, but it gets old pretty fast here. (There are a few chuckles seeing Alberta being nervous while acting dominant in the middle of a food court.) There are very few laughs, less suspense, a lot of overdone slow-motion, several plot points that make no sense, and an inability to have anyone drive without hitting something -- even if the car has to swerve for no reason other than to hit something. As for kinkiness, it's an R-rated movie: All you have are Tricia Helfer in some fetish clothes (quite nice, but hardly worth sitting through the whole movie), a few sex toys, and Spencer (Ross McMillan), Celine's submissive client who wanders through the action clueless while bossed around by Celine and Alberta.

If you're looking for a movie with kinkiness, comedy, and heart, watch the nigh-infinitely superior Secretary. Walk All Over Me is a comedy that's rarely amusing, an action movie that's a bit dull, and a kinky movie that's pretty vanilla. My advice: Walk away from this one.

Overall Grade: D+

Reviewed by James Lynch