SECRET GIRLFRIEND

Ah, the Internet: where anything can be posted, from the sort of criticism you might hear from soneone in an armchair to juvenile antics of young dudes looking to score. Sadly, Comedy Central is not making The Armchair Critic: The Series. They did, however, make a series of comic web episodes into their show Secret Girlfriend, which truly goes for the lowest common denominator.

Secret Girlfriend revolves around three twentysomething friends. Phil (Derek Miller) and Sam (Michael Blaiklock) are best buds who seem to spend all their time either thinking of ways to get laid or "working" at making Internet comedy videos. The third friend is an unnamed buddy represented by the camera's point of view, so the series is "shown" from what this invisible person sees and hears.

This third buddy also provides the, er, tension in the title. His girlfriend Mandy (Alexis Krause) is the best and worst of male stereotypes about women: She's hot, horny, and ready to get wild; and she's also obsessive, jealous, suspicious, and ready to attack anyone she thinks her boyfriend is interested in. So of course along comes Jessica (Sara Fletcher), who's also beautiful but more of a laid-back buddy girlfriend than the possibly psychotic Mandy. Can the character we never see enjoy himself with Jessica while keeping things going with, and keeping Jessica a secret from, Mandy? Will any of Phil and Sam's schemes work?

Who cares? Secret Girlfriend plays out like someone turned an issue of Maxim into a show. In this universe, the women are universally babes either flirtatious and attracted to the stars or disgusted with them (but still wearing revealing clothes). The protagonists are the epitome of juvenile, and the humor reflects this: Plot after plot is nothing but dumb plans to sleep with women that in any other universe would be far, far out of their league. And the show just isn't funny (unless maybe you're in high school).

I haven't seen the web version of this, but the show Secret Girlfriend plays like cheap online comedy: almost no plotting, cheap t&a shots, lots of phone messages, and pretty base humor. There has been a trend in many movies where what once would have been guys just trying to score have a lot more heart and strong female characters (from American Pie to I Love You, Man). Secret Girlfriend is an unfunny step back to shallow chauvanistic comedy -- without any laughs.