The Big Kahuna (1999)

When I saw a movie with such stars as Kevin Spacey and Danny Devito with this title, and read the back of the DVD box, I was expecting The Big Kahuna about a pair of salesmen away on some crazy conference in a fancy hotel on the sun drenched beach of Waikiki, maybe trying to outsell each other between luau’s. Let’s just say, I didn’t need to find my ukulele, nor my surfboard.

While this was a bunch of salesman, and they were at a conference, the film takes place in a hotel suite in Wichita, Kansas. Talk about the middle of middle America. Actually, just about the entire hour and a half of the film takes place in this hotel room, except for one scene in a lobby, another in an elevator, and one more in another hotel. If you want visually interesting, The Big Kahuna is not it. Even the view from the hotel room is of downtown Wichita, and the characters in the film comment on how unexciting it is.

The kahuna part refers to the manufacturing executive that these salesmen are planning on selling their product to. They figure this guy can buy up their entire line of lubricants in this one big sale. The only problem, is that they don’t know what this guy looks like.

After having a seriously philosophical discussion on life, the universe, and the meaning of everything, the salesmen open up their room to the conference attendees. The big kahuna comes and goes, and only some junior guy from the company meets him. Rather than trying to pitch him some product, the youngster strikes up a conversation about Christian humanism (my alma mater would be proud). After the shin dig is over, the other two salesmen find out, and cook up another plan to save the sale, but history repeats itself. We end with more deep chat, no resolution, and end on a depressing note.

From the limited stage set, I’m guessing that The Big Kahuna is based on some one set dramatic character study kind of play. If you like theater of the absurd, maybe this is for you. Personally, I found The Big Kahuna one big drag, and not really that entertaining in the end. I kept waiting for the ending to surprise me, like the kid signed a deal behind the other guys back, or went to work for the other company, but rather, this film simply ends. Boo, hiss!

Overall Grade: C-

--Jonas

The Shape of Things (2003)

Director Neil LaBute, known for such films as "Nurse Betty" and "In the Company of Men" takes on transforming college realtionships in The Shape of Things, which he also wrote. While I was expecting the usual shallow romantic comedy, this wasn't at all what this was. This film is different, in a good way, and does manage to break some ground in an otherwise crowded segment of film. It stars Gretchen Mol, Paul Rudd, Rachel Weisz and Fred Weller.

Adam, played by Rudd, while working at an art gallery and experiences "love at first sight" of Evelyn (Weisz). He is the nerdy college student with taped up glasses, out of date and poorly fitting clothes, and in need of a haircut. She is the avant garde art graduate student who is so mature, and and seemingly provides what he needs. Step by step she works on making him over, as she simultaneously alienates him from his friends along the way. While he does appear much improved by the end of the film, when Evelyn presents her master's thesis, it's more than a revelation to all concerned. Her final quote is "Moralists have no place in an art gallery."


The Shape of Things is one dark film. While Adam mistakes lust for love, he is easily manipulated into doing just about anything. If you want a basic romantic comedy, this isn't it, but if you want a look at the dark side of modern relationships, then it's worth a look. If for nothing else, it did keep me wondering where all of this was going to the very end, and that's not common at all these days.

--Jonas

Overall Grade: B+

12 Days of Terror (2004)

When you hear about a film involving a shark, and swimmers on a beach, any child of the 70's will come up with the classic film, Jaws. However, apparently that film was based on a novel that had its origins in an earlier time. 12 Days of Terror is a movie based on the true facts of these earlier events shortly after the turn of the century.

The story takes place in 1916. It's a hot summer, and just like today, folks from the tristate region head to the cool beaches of the Jersey Shore area. While they're on the lookout for a WW I German U-boat, a great white shark starts attacking the swimmers. Also similar to today, the local townsfolk are more focused on having a profitable summer, than the safety of the tourists. The town goes on an all out hunt to find the shark, and make their beaches safe again.

I had to chuckle at one particular scene. After one of the lifeguards is attacked, he emerges from the water bleeding from both lower extremities from the trauma of a shark bite. His buddies carry him into the hotel, and call for the doctor. I'm starting to wonder why, as state of the art medicine in 1916 was still rather primitive. There were no intravenous fluids nor blood transfusions, both of which were developed during WW II. Ditto for the antibiotics. So what could the doctor do? Well, cauterization with heat was a time honored procedure that both arrested bleeding, and sterilized the wound. During the Napoleonic Wars, the idea of ligating major blood vessels was developed with suture materials. Unfortunately, repairing them wasn't really practiced until the Korean War. General anesthesia, and narcotics for pain relief would be used by 1916, but not in the lobby of the hotel. Heck, needles and syringes (glass, reuseable, and needed to be sharpened) wouldn't come around till the thirties anyway. With the limited armamentarium of medicine, I can see why they chose to have the character box before the doctor's arrival, in suit with pocketwatch no less, to make the final pronouncement.

For those that like a good period film, or can't get enough of Discovery's "Shark Week," than 12 Days of Terror is for you. I found it a low budget, no star power, much watered down footnote to the Jaws franchise.

Overall Grade: B-

--Jonas

The Else by They Might Be Giants

They Might Be Giants have a lot in common with "Weird Al" Yankovic: They have a quirky, unique sound; they have been making music for over two decades; and after all that time, they manage to release strong albums. With The Else, the two Johns (Flansburgh and Linnell) of They Might Be Giants have combined their cleverness with strong music.

Fans of They Might Be Giants will get a familiar feeling at the almost-excessively cleverly song titles ("The Cap'm" , "Bee of the Bird of the Moth") on The Else. Their cleverness is supported by some very strong music, undoubtedly helped by the producers the Dust Brothers. The synthesizer-strong tunes get funky, sentimental, exciting, raw, and even sparse. The result is a pretty strong album with plenty of songs that'll stay in your head. And there's a bonus CD of music that doesn't quite fit in with the main album but provides some light entertainment.

The final song on the album, "The Mesopotamians," is about a band made up of members of this ancient group of people ("Sargon, Hammurabi, Ashrubanipal and Gilgamesh") who everyone else thinks no longer exist, but they've been driving around playing music the whole time. This may be a reflection of how They Might Be Giants sometimes feel, making album after album thay fly under the radar. Let's hope The Else gets noticed: It's certainly worth it.

Overall Grade: B+

Reviewed by James Lynch

Stardust (2007)

Stardust may be the first true fairy tale of the summer movies. Based on Neil Gaiman's novel, this movie blends fantasy, action, humor, romance to create a very original world (if not plot).

About 150 years ago, the English town Wall contained a brick wall that keeps in a magical universe called Stormhold. A man wandered in, had a dalliance with a local woman (who claimed to be a princess captured by a witch), and nine months later his son is dropped off at his doorstep.

We jump ahead 18 years, when the baby is now a young man named Tristan (Charlie Cox). He is a poor, imaginative lad that is enraptured by the beautiful-but-vain Victoria (Sienna Miller). She, alas, is about to be proposed to by the handsome, wealthy, popular Humphrey (Henry Cavill). When Tristan and Victoria see a falling star land behind the Wall, Tristan promises to bring it to her. With the help of some magic items left to him by his mother, Tristan goes to the star -- only to find it is a beautiful young woman named Yvaine (Claire Danes). She agrees to travel with him to Victoria, and afterwards he'll return her to the sky.

But others are after Yvaine. A trio of witches, led by Lamia (Michelle Pfeiffer), want to cut out the star's heart to give them youth. Further, before the King of Stormhold (Peter O'Toole) died, he proclaimed that only the heir who found a magic ruby would be king; and that ruby somehow brought Yvaine to Earth, so she wears it. There are also assorted other characters, including a billy goat turned into a human, the greedy Ferdy the Fence (played by Ricky Gervais), and Captain Shakespeare (Robert DeNiro), the flying ship captain who has a very secret side.

Stardust is very well done. There aren't many dimensions to the characters, but all the actors have a lot of fun with their roles. And while there are very conventional story elements (as the young, good-looking Tristan and Yvaine bicker, it's very clear what their fates will be) there are plenty of imaginative touches: the starlike aspects of Yvaine, the bazaar of wonders, the magic of the witches (including Lamia's signs of aging with each spell cast). In a summer filled with innumerable sequels, Stardust is a magical breath of fresh air.

Overall Grade: A-

Reviewed by James Lynch

Johnson Family Vacation (2004)

Load up the car, and gather the kids, we're going on a road trip! Perhaps the quintissential summer family activity is a driving vacation, but after watching Johnson Family Vacation, it's enough to make us want to stay home. It features Cedric the Entertainer (in no less than two roles), and Vanessa Williams.

Cedric plays Nate Johnson, the middle aged father who is in a falling apart marriage. Of his three kids, at least the youngest adores him, as the two teenagers have no use for him. He decides to take a road trip, in a new tricked out Lincoln Navigator from Los Angeles to Missouri for a family reunion which includes his mother, and an ultracompetitive older brother. Along the way, we have the predictable wrong turns, motel issues, sickening road food, yelling at the GPS, hitchhiker that they should have left at the side of the road, and run in with the police, and some American Indians. You know, just like every other summer vacation/roadtrip movie seems to have these days.

It's not that it's not humorous, but it's that this has all been done plenty of times before. If you've seen RV, Are We There Yet?, or National Lampoon's Vacation than you've pretty much seen most of the Johnson Family Vacation. It's too bad that much of the humor is so formulaic, as there are plenty of new directions that we could of gone in here. Unfortunately for this film, the three films that I mentioned above were all better than it. Still, for a mindless armchair vacation, or a reminder why you're staying home with your next block of time off, Johnson family Vacation does provide some diversion.

Overall Grade: B-

Breach (2007)

Breach is a Hollywood version of the Robert Hanssen story. It features Ryan Phillippe and Chris Cooper. It is directed by Billy Ray, who wrote the screenplay for Flightplan.

Hanssen was an FBI Agent that was considered the top analyst on Russian affairs during the Cold War. He was a model agent with 25 years of service, a devout Catholic, a father and grandfather, and had an interest in reforming the FBI into the digital age. While this was all true, he also was the worst spy in American history selling secrets of all kinds to those pesky Russians. This went on for quite some time as he identified double agents to the Soviets, and these men were quickly executed. For many years, he was always at least one step ahead of those pursuing the mole right in their midst.


Breach focuses on the final events that took Hanssen down. Ryan Phillippe plays Eric O'Neill, a youngster on counterterrorism eager to do whatever it takes to become an FBI agent. He gets way more than he bargains for when he is pressed into service as Hanssen’s clerk, and is charged with being a counterspy. Let’s just say that this activity is way above his pay grade! Hanssen cleverly gains his clerk’s confidence early on, and O'Neill isn’t even sure if his new boss is guilty of anything. As the film progresses, it becomes a clever game of cat and mouse as the spy and counterspy try to leapfrog each other as they maneuver for position, while maintaining their cover.

Breach is a first rate thriller. I found myself with an elevated heart rate at several points in the film! It was well acted, it moves along well, and has enough tension to cut it with a knife at several points. I highly recommend this film to those that like the thriller genre.

Overall Grade: A

Boynton Beach Club (2005)

Taking a look at the senior side of things is the film, Boynton Beach Club. This is a semi -comical look at life after marriage in a stereotypical Florida retirement community.

Marilyn, played by Brenda Vaccaro, finds herself a widow after her husband is literally run over by a neighbor backing off of her driveway. As she is suddenly single, she is encouraged to join a bereavement support group- at the local senior center, and hence the title. What follows is a series of adventures, misadventures, and relationships among the oldsters, where the guys are seriously outnumbered by the gals, and all concerned need to update their dating skills into this century.

As the film progresses, we are enlightened that these seniors bring a luggage rack full of baggage from a lifetime of relationships into their present dating endeavors. This adds challenge, and makes an honest and open relationship at least a level more difficult. Still, it is touching to see if love can conquer these obstacles as well.

Boynton Beach Club, complete with a Florida early bird special, and a senor center conga line, is a touching look at those trying to start anew, among those looking back.

Overall Grade: B

Blowback (2005)

It’s been a while since I last read a Brad Thor novel, but when I noticed that our readership has sustained interest in the reviews of the first three books in the series, I decided to seek out the fourth. Reading a Brad Thor novel, unlike some other some authors, takes considerable effort. His books are heavy, like a rich dessert, and they take time to consume and digest with their multiple subplots, and far flung foreign locations. Still, for those that persevere, the reward is worth it.

The title, Blowback, refers to when a CIA plan goes awry, and there is fallout. Once again, like in Thor’s other books, the hero is Scott Harvath, the all-American ex-SEAL, ex-Secret Service Agent, who does the President’s special missions which frequently involve “coloring outside the lines,” to get the job done. Early on in the novel, Harvath is once again outside the bounds of his authority, and he is bordering on being a rogue agent (in other words, just about where he is in the previous three novels). One plot involves his continuing hunt for a high ranking terrorist that he sparred with in the second novel.

The other major plot involves an unconventional weapon with Islamic terrorism behind it. Interestingly, the author did some research and incorporates a biological weapon that was planned to be used by Hannibal, the Carthaginian with those war elephants in the Alps, on his attack of the Roman Empire in ancient times. This has kind of a paleopathlogy twist to it, as an ancient disease is on the verge of being reintroduced into modern times with potentially devastating results. Harvath is once again off to save the world- again!

Another aspect of the novel involves the “What if?” scenario of a united Muslim world, and what this would mean to the future world order. It’s kind of intriguing to realize that if combined, a combined Muslim nation could easily rival any world power for domination. I always liked geopolitics, and these kind of scenarios, although not the simplest to cook up, are interesting to consider.

As Blowback progresses, we are taken to both several European and Middle Eastern locations. I also liked that we go back to an area of Switzerland from the first novel, The Lions of Lucerne, and even reuse a character. A good serial writer can make things mesh like that, and Thor shows us once again, that he is up to the task.

Blowback is a more serious kind of thriller novel. While it is a little over 400 pages, with so many locations and plots, it reads like something considerably longer. While it requires more concentration than some other fiction, and can’t be read in an afternoon at the beach, it is well worth the effort. If you want a global thriller on a grand scale, than Blowback is for you.

Overall Grade: A-

For all of our reviews by Brad Thor, click here.

Garage Days (2002)

Garage Days is the movie version of the popular phrase "Sex, drugs, and rock n' roll," with an Aussie twist. It features Kick Gurry and Maya Stange. Despite the name, there is no connection to the popular music software that Apple includes in the iLife package.

We start with a group of twenty something’s on the streets of Sydney. They're looking for their first gig, you know, their big break. When they finally get it, their debut concert is more fizzle than sizzle, and the lone saving grace is a chance connection that gets made with a record producer. Eventually this does pay off, but along the way there is a healthy heaping of struggle among the band members. True to any serious rockers, the band can barely stay together amongst the frequent drug use, and the nonmonogamous intercourse that characterizes their daily activity.

While Garage Days had some potential, it gets quagmired in the band's difficulties as they strive towards their goal. Also, I needed frequent use of the DVD’s subtitles to understand the thickly accented Australian English. If you've watched "This Is Spinal Tap" more times than you'd like to admit, than Garage Band is your kind of film. Rock on!



Overall Grade: B-

--Jonas

Fat March, ABC Television (2007)

With our current obesity epidemic, and our society seemingly obsessed with dieting, it’s a no brainer to come up with a reality show based on weight loss. NBC’s “The Biggest Loser” has been around for a few seasons, so now ABC takes their turn with Fat March, which is based on the British series, "Too Big To Walk."

In this “summer filler” reality show, the premise is quite simple. Take twelve obese individuals, and have them walk five hundred miles, from Boston to our nation’s capital across nine states. The reward for those that complete the journey is a split cash prize of 1.2 million dollars- that goes down a hundred G’s for each one that drops out. Therefore, they try to make this an incentive and team effort to keep everyone on board and walking towards the goal. The participants weights ranged from 241 to 515 pounds, and by my eye, they all would be considered morbidly obese (meaning a body mass index greater than 40), and hence considered candidates for bariatric surgery.

I was kind of intrigued by the concept, as the data on morbid obesity patients using diet and exercise to lose weight is rather poor- hence the need for surgical weight loss operations in this population. Perhaps a more intensive effort than the average patient can do at home would do the trick, although without long term lifestyle change, they’ll just regain the weight down the road anyway, the studies consistently suggest.

Anyway, the first day they walked five miles, the next day eight. They are coaxed along the way by two personal trainers who could star on "Baywatch" as they don’t have an extra ounce of fat on them. At this point, one contender already dropped out (she had only walked two blocks in the last two years), and another guy ended up in the hospital with dehydration. Then another ended up with blisters on his feet and required a break as well. They also had them camping in tents, and eating a high protein, complex carb diet.

After a week of walking, the weight loss varied. I recall the least being 4 pounds, while the most was a more impressive 19 pounds. Still, every pound that these folks take off, and keep off, is an achievement! Because this is a reality show, we had to have the obligatory challenge, and it involved gathering cranberries from a pond to win a night at the B&B instead of the tents. If we take out the challenge, we’d be down to a half hour show.

Overall, I think that striving for a healthier body and lifestyle is certainly a journey, but Fat March, despite its best effort, failed to capture that. Sure, we had the usual range of reality programming emotions, but in the end, watching folks walk for five hundred miles is just not compelling enough for a television show. It currently airs Monday nights at 9 PM.

Overall Grade: C

--Jonas

Notes On A Scandal (2006)

Notes On A Scandal was actually the only really good film I saw this week. It stars Judi Dench, and Cate Blanchett. This psychological thriller is directed by Richard Eyre.

Dench plays Barbara Covett, a history teacher at a British public high school. She lives with her cat, and from all appearances, is a spinster. A new art teacher arrives on the scene, Sheba Hart (Blanchett) who has an older husband, and two children. At first this all has a seemingly normal appearance, but what lies beneath is what makes this a fascinating character study. Sheba, seeking more passion in her life, crosses the lines, and becomes sexually involved with one of her students. As if this wasn't bad enough, Barbara finds out about this, and rather than reporting it to the headmaster, she decides to use it to blackmail Sheba towards her own agenda. As the film progresses, I'm wondering which of the women are more evil, because it's really a tie at several points, although in my opinion, experience wins out in the end. The audience gains insight into Covett's psyche as she writes her most inner thoughts in her daily diary (she seems a tad bit old for MySpace).

Notes On A Scandal is like the extremely dark version of Bridget Jonse's Diary. It is very well acted, with a sinister plot, elevated to a new level thanks to the British accented narration, and use of their rich colloquial language.

Overall Grade: A-

--Jonas

Searching For Bobby D (2005)

Searching For Bobby D is an indie film, about a bunch of Brooklyn twenty somethings and their quest to shoot a film. The viewer gets the impression that this is more than a little autobiographical. We start in the neighborhoods of Brooklyn as these aspiring actors go on casting calls, and only can get jobs as extras on mob movies. As an aside, this is probably true, as a coworker, who is Italian, does this in the city, and he got picked a few times for The Sopranos, and Law and Order as an extra gangster- and never anything else. Anyway, getting back to the film at hand, the gang concludes that the best way for them to be in a film is to make it themselves, like Robert DeNiro, hence the film's title. While so far we were off to a good start, interspersed with authentic Brooklyn locations, like the Spumoni Gardens, we only go down from here.

The boys end up in Pennsylvania with a variety of schemes to raise the money to finance their cinema endeavors. They range from impersonating mobsters to collect "shake down" payments, to encouraging the townsfolk to buy parts. They shouldn't have put the effort into collecting the funds, as Searching For Bobby D goes absolutely nowhere from here as the plot is set adrift without a paddle.


While I would love to support an independent film, Searching For Bobby D needed a more engaging story line for starters. While the beginning had some promise, and the acting wasn't dismal, I'm still recommending to search for a different film as this one never actualizes its potential.

Overall Grade: C-

--Jonas

Unknown (2006)

Continuing my string of mediocre films this week is Unknown. It features Greg Kinnear, and Joe Pantoliano. The premise is that five guys wake up in a warehouse, and have no idea how they got there. They are locked in, bulletproof glass, reinforced doors and all. Despite there being two working phones shown, the five of them never use them to call for help! As the film progresses, we glean that two of them were involved with the bad guys, and the rest are just caught up in this. Unfortunately, we never progress beyond this point. Unknown simply has too many loose ends, and more confusion than clarity. After the first twenty minutes, we just have these folks all on each other’s throats scavenging for weapons, and preparing for the final confrontation as we wait for the ones that put them in there to arrive. Unknown drops below the mediocre level, and would be best to live up to its namesake. Leave it on the shelf at Blockbuster, and move on to anything else.

Overall Grade: D

--Jonas

Summer Rental (1985)

It is often interesting to go back and watch an older film. I had never seen Summer Rental before, but when I saw that it featured John Candy, and directed by Carl Reiner, I decided to check it out.

This film features Candy as Jack Chester, an overworked, and burnt out air traffic controller. After he mistakes a fly on his radar console for a lost private jet, he agrees that he is due for a break- big time. He then packs up his family, drives from Atlanta to the Florida Keys, and pulls into his paradise by the sea summer rental. While it is less than relaxing, now the fun seriously starts. From being in the wrong rental, to the restaurant's lobster tank emptying out, to a suntan that could only be described as "well done," this is hardly the R & R he signed up for!

While Summer Rental is not quite timeless, I found the technology more nostalgic then dated. For those of us that grew up with music from Sony Walkmans (yes, there was music before iPods for the youngsters), and when a family car involved a station wagon with an overly generous helping of fake plastic wood, we'll get a kick out of seeing this and more in the film. Then again, I like my GPS unit a little too much to go back to those simpler times.

If you're looking for some light humor, with a peak 80's twist, than Summer Rental is a comedy rental worth seeking out.

Overall Grade: B
--Jonas